


Symptoms

by hearteyedjk



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alternate Universe - This World Inverted (Shadowhunters TV), Angst, Confused Alec, Drama & Romance, Episode: s01e12 Malec, Eventual Smut, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood-centric, Malec, Nervous Alec, POV Alec, Post-Episode: s01e12 Malec, Protective Magnus, Romance, Sad Alec, pretty much right after the wedding scene, this is what came up in my head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:03:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6483469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearteyedjk/pseuds/hearteyedjk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec is struggling to control the incapacitating fear of brewing romance between him and Magnus Bane, the alluring warlock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Symptoms

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the first thing I felt like posting on my new AO3... Plus it's Malec, nobody can ever get enough of these two... Am I right? I feel as if a lot of people would agree with my statement. Anyway, enjoy reading...  
> It's literally just packed fluff... with undertones of severe angst from poor lil' baby Alec. * Struggling so hard...
> 
> It's based around after the scene of the wedding....  
> And it's completely alternate to the real universe, okay.  
> So don't comment below, oh hey uh- this didn't happen.  
> Ofc it didn't, but I'm sure that Alec will be conflicted in the TV series.. for awhile.

Alec was still _stunned_ from what he'd done. He'd been so sure he was doing what his heart wanted, but clearly he had been wrong. But Magnus was **right**. 

 

 

Just the thought of the other male erupted a small shudder out of him, the panicky archer pacing his room and trying to recollect himself.

 

He didn't get alone time for very long, for soon, he felt Magnus's looming presence behind his bedroom's door, as if wordlessly he was drawn to him. 

 

 

They both were drawn to one another, and Alec was nervous as hell. So nervous he could hardly breathe, each trembling breath heavy and quick.

 

"Alec?" Came the very voice that sent him stumbling into the bookshelf near his door, which led to Magnus bursting into the room with worry. 

 

 

"Alec, is everything okay?" Feline optics centered on his own sparkling blue ones, a hand landing upon his shoulder that stole his breath away once again.

 

He couldn't find his voice, entire mouth dry and heart stuttering in his chest. The sensation of Magnus's hand there, rendering his ability for a certain characteristic that fed life into him, the touch was searing into the fabric to bleed against his skin, much like the burn he received from runes.

 

Except this certain heat was _comforting_ , the pain a dull ache when Alec's gaze was trained on such a pretty mouth. 

 

 

Though the concerned male soon realized he wasn't breathing and he was rather shaking in his hold, Magnus pinning him with a smoldering look.

 

Like that should have helped him in the slightest, a mental kick to himself before the grip on his shoulder tightened. 

 

 

It steeled something in him, a gentle intake of air occurring; He didn't process it in time because the opposite male to him was sweeping in for a chaste kiss. 

 

But he didn't **want** chaste, he didn't **want** this doubt feeding off his every thought. Didn't need this **anxiety** to numb his every nerve. 

 

 

" _Magnus_ ," He breathed shakily against his lips, his own hand clutching onto the warlock's shoulder.

 

Before he could pry further, Alec closed the space between them once more, taking that initiative and impulse to deliver a searing kiss onto the mouth he wanted desperately to be on his own. 

 

 

The meeting of lips wasn't harsh, but gentle and tentative. As if he needed to anchor what was happening, and he hadn't even noticed how Magnus pushed him into the shelves now, both hands positioned at his waist.

 

They moved together, a pliant mouth parting open for a dash of tongue to intrude. One of them groaned, something shifted in them as they both shared fiercer kisses. 

 

 

Calloused hands found their way into the glittery, onyx tresses of Magnus's hair, tugging restlessly and another tiny groan escaping Alec.

 

So it had been _him_ , to disrupt the peaceful quiet of their exchange with embarrassing noises. It's just that Magnus didn't seem to mind in the slightest, in fact, he could feel the approving smirk against his lips.

 

Too soon they parted for air and Alec's mind was a blank, eyes blinking several times only to refocus on the warlock in front of him. "Wow..."

 

Magnus's brows arched up, a soft chuckle surpassing the plush lips he'd just been kissing a moment ago. "Seems like I can bring my own surprises to you as well, _Alexander_."

 

That stirred something in his gut and he subconsciously swept his tongue across his lips, the taste of faint gloss present there. **No** , it was _ **Magnus**_. The warlock appeared amused but also entranced just like himself.

 

  
"Be quiet," He found himself saying as a deft hand flashed out to grasp at the front of his obsidian suit and pull the warlock in close, which he wasn't objected of.

 

 

  
Magnus fell into him as their lips crashed together, hands seeking along Alec's torso and growing impatient the moment he noticed that the male was still clothed, far too much for his liking.

 

The stark white dress shirt under his fingertips, it needed to be smooth, tanned— beautiful skin. 

 

 

He desired it to be Alec's runed skin, he wanted the fabric off and he twisted open the top button.

 

Alec froze at this, a slow, hesitant smile spreading across his lips as the warlock slowly undid each button, the fabric falling away to be pushed off his shoulders and drop to the floor. 

 

 

They both knew Magnus wasn't improper, so it wasn't a surprise to see him bend down and retrieve the shirt.

 

  
Raising himself back to his feet, there was an uncertain expression on the shadowhunter's face. 

 

 

"Alec?" Magnus prompted, taking a light step forward.

 

"I _can't_..."

 

The words seemed strained and Magnus thoughtfully stared at him. "You can't... or you won't?"

 

"Both..." Alec gasped out, and the warlock followed his gaze to where Clary was standing in the doorway, mouth dropped open slightly. Maybe because it'd had been such a crazy day.

 

"Alright then." Magnus spoke but the archer could pinpoint the hurt in his voice, and he reached out but the male had already strolled away and out of the room, having given the discarded shirt to Clary— who still was immobile.  


 

 

-

 

Maybe in the midst of his crawling back into his shell and away from view, Alec became aware that he had hid like a virgin. That was all true, wasn't it. 

 

 

  
He was a scared virgin, not only of Magnus did that fear stem from, but mostly from that unsettling fear... That there was something more than just those fervent kisses and longing stares.

 

  
He could be in love and _love_....? _Love was the unknown for him_. It brewed crippling fear and anxiety inside him, that the truth in his personality would show. 

 

 

But what was far more frightening for Alec, was that he knew that Magnus knew. He'd even told him that **he knew** , directly in the face. And he'd **hid** , like a child. **Afraid**.

 

Clary had passed the shirt onto him, filling him in on the next part of their mission. To awake her and Jace's mother. But he was far too zoned, zombie-like stupor frustrating the strawberry — enough that he could watch as her pale skin burned a red that was close to joining her hair.

 

She left and he had burrowed himself in this, shirt still tucked between his hands and wrung tight from his ceaseless squeezing. He could go into the other room and swing these same fists at the punching bag, but that wouldn't cure these symptoms he felt.

 

Symptoms. _**Magnus**_. The distressed male bent over with a heavy sigh, hand raising to his forehead for him to feel his own temperature. That same hand ran back through his sharp, jet black tresses to rustle the strands, a restlessness about him when he shook from the amount of stress on his mind.

 

Izzy found him like this half an hour later. Still bent over with his elbows over his knees, head clutched between his hands and the occasional mutter under staggered breaths.

 

"Alec...." He barely was able to lift his head, and that expression that transformed over his sister's dark features took him by surprise. She silently settled beside him on the edge of his bed, an arm bracketing around his back and her head

 resting on his shoulder.

 

Finally, when he had torn free of his all-consuming thoughts, he turned his head up to face Izzy, who was curiously watching him. "Is it Magnus?"

 

He kept his mouth shut, head turning away in denial from the mention of that... name. The name that haunted him, that he yearned to say.

 

Her hand rubbed at his side out of comfort, the warmth a reminder of her presence. "Hey..." This vulnerable side of him, it didn't dare show less it be an emergency.

 

Thankfully Izzy always knew what to say. "Go to him... Alec. Talk to him."  


 

 

 

 

  
-

 

 

 

To chase a love that _pursued_ him, he wasn't very sure how he found himself at the door of Magnus Bane's household.

 

But he did.... 

 

He even had came to his senses right when the door slid open to reveal the man that made his heart stop only to jump-start yet again. 

 

"Magnus...." That sure tone of his shocked not only himself, but the warlock had already disappeared behind the partially open doorway.

 

Alec followed his trail, footfalls carrying across the lit rooms' walls at how he hadn't changed out of his boots upon retreating from the Institute. He pursued the man and once he had him cornered— sort of, with how he plopped himself down on his sofa holding Chairman Meow— he locked up for the second time at how startled he became from witnessing another intense staring session.

 

Gazes pinned, irises flickering with unspoken desire. Alec had only taken one step, the gait timely, when Magnus's brows raised. Kind of like how the feline in his arms had its hackles rising in warning that it would flee if he came any nearer.  


 

  
Seeing the warning, he paused and released a stressful breath.

"Magnus," He repeated, voice firmer and more than authoritative. "I wanted to apologize."  


 

  
"Apology accepted."  


 

  
That quick of a reply confused the Shadowhunter more than anything, his head tilting in inclination that he was more than perplexed. There had to be a reason why he let him off so easily.  


 

  
"....Why?"

 

This delighted Magnus somehow he noted, as the man sat up straighter than how he'd been resting so eagerly a moment ago. Even Chairman Meow rose and scrambled free to leap off the couch and dart behind a curtain, leaving the two males alone.

 

Uneasiness ate away at every fiber in him. "Because Alexander, I'll wait for you. I have you now, you're not abandoning me. It all settles the one question."

 

"And what would that be?" Alec averted his eyes, it almost looking to be a roll of irritation. His stance was even guarded, like he couldn't trust something. Someone? _Magnus?_ _Himself?_

 

"When."

 

"....When?"

 

"When."

 

"....When _what?_ "

 

"When will you give in to **me** , Alexander?"

 

Another breath escaped him, the tiniest exhale of air, and warmth blossomed across his face. "Uh...." A nervous laugh edged around the interruption of a thought.

 

Magnus was in front of him now, directly standing there with their faces inches apart. And what could Alec do, avoid that stare he lost himself in? Impossible. He stared back, but he felt that same fear creeping up on him.

 

"You.. I... Um... Should— **Go** ," A quick gesture over his shoulder towards the now slamming door, which makes his head whip around to face who was entering or leaving.

 

  
But nobody was there, and Alec figured the warlock understood that 'when' could be _now_.

 

  
"Should get back to Izz- the Institute and help you- them, with uh, the mission—missions...." He stuttered helplessly, fumbling for words as he backed away from the warlock observing his nervous character.

 

Alec paid no attention to the sofa behind him, which brought him to the factor of tripping back into it with his arms bracing his fall. 

 

His chest heaved with uneven breathing and he blinked several times, wide-eyed and staring after Magnus who was approaching him with a fond expression.

 

"You're so flowery... so _undeniably_ flowery... in the cutest way." Magnus, entranced by the blushing Alec who was too frozen to move, treaded closer until he had him caged then and there.

 

He could go nowhere now, voice lodged in his throat and entire body stock-still. "Why did you come here?"

 

Thankfully Alec had always been able to regain his composure if he didn't meet those eyes, him swallowing down mostly his nerve... so he would be able to speak.

 

"I came here because I needed to apologize to you and I did–"

 

"No, Alec, there's something more to it.... You look all _tense_..." Hands fell upon each of the shadowhunter's shoulders, skilled fingers pressing in gently, which enabled Alec to remind himself to breathe in this close proximity.

 

"I'm just... I don't... feel..."

 

"You don't feel what?"  


 

  
"...Worthy."

 

A disapproving noise came from above before Magnus was settling down on Alec's lap, expression grim. " _Alexander_ , you are more than worthy... You are the only person who has been able to unlock this part of myself I built to keep

 others out. You unlocked it, no one else could have but you."

 

He leaned in, their foreheads brushing since the warlock was trying to get Alec to look him in the eye. "And you... Are so very **beautiful**."

 

Brief silence was met before the archer interrupted it, tone still fretful. "I'm afraid..."

 

"I know you are."

 

A strong hand grasped one of Alec's own, linking their fingers and in the process, causing the shadowhunter to startle and peer up at Magnus.

 

But he didn't jerk away, because he couldn't deny him. "I know you're afraid but you don't have to be... We can work on... Smaller things, I suppose. Like..."

 

Magnus squeezed his hand before releasing it and raising both of his own to mess with the collar of Alec's shirt. "Having a drink...." A pointed look was directed to him, lips pulling up at the corners to form an encouraging smile.

 

Alec couldn't help but smile broadly in return, gaze averting once more. If he stared too long, he would lose track of all that he'd set his mind to for coming here. "Maybe... Talking... Getting to know one another better."

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

Somehow, within all of this, Magnus Bane had been able to lead him here without invitation and soothe a worry that darkened his thoughts. And he had been able to reassure him, to convince him to stay for that next drink.

 

When he stayed, he didn't mind at all, for they rambled for hours on end and connecting in such a way that it sparked their surrounding aura with a light brighter than anything.

 

That shone with warmth and vivid, chromatic colors swirling in the air and over things laying around the warlock's home.  


 

  
Losing track of time was part of it, as they had laughed and talked... and nothing else, other than the occasional exchange of sloppy kissing sessions.

 

Not that any of it could be minded, for the drinks obscured their will to care as much. Plus it was them, it was them tangled up on the divan.  


 

  
Eventually the sparks fused out and they both were asleep after endless, incoherent mumbling of stories they had been using to substitute all that time.

 

The feline to witness it all was Chairman Meow, who could have been purring in delight to see its owner fast asleep on top of Alec, the shadowhunter's supportive arm draped over his back.

 

  
T omorrow birthed a new day, and the upcoming months would unfold slowly... patiently... in the impassioned understanding that Alec depended on time to help him figure out what it is that he wanted.

  


 

And Magnus, he was willing to give the male as much time as he needed. Because as he had mentioned before, the younger male had no plan to stop visiting him and their meetings would only triple, the feelings would

amplify— would heighten, their time spent together would be charmingly  **intimate**.

 

But the wait was what made it also seem so.....  **Alec**.

 

Determined to figure himself out and their relationship with one another, if they could take more steps and allow that to come to no harm.

 

No dents would be created, and that the whole way through, he would be comfortable. That Magnus would care for him, and in return, he'd care for him too. _Protect him with no restrictions_.


End file.
